Easy Friday, I think...

Well so far, so good! I figure since I'm going to have a little time today, I'd start a new project, bringing my number of projects to be worked on in 2010 to 28.  If I get half of them done, I'll be a really happy camper:)!
A while back, when Large Marge's Yarn Shop was open in Ellicott City, I would stop in there from time to time, usually on a Friday - a payday Friday - when I might  have an extra sawbuck burning a hole in my pocket.  Usually on days like that, I will look at the lace yarn.  Knitters know why.  Laceyarn contains a LOT of yardage in one skein.  It takes so few of those beautiful skeins to make one lovely scarf and you get to make something lovely with a relatively small investment.  It was on just such a Friday that I bought this little bit of loveliness, took it home and wound it into a ball.  Now I am hoping I have found the right venue for it.  I will see. If not, I'm not afraid of frogging and trying again!
Today is a relatively quiet day - I've been doing most of my work via e-mail, hoping to avert any bad situations.  A colleague very kindly covered the one hearing I had this morning likely to be continued to another date for various reasons I cannot post here.
Unrelated to my hearing referenced above,  can I vent just a little here?  Why is it that when the State, i.e. the local department of social services, or DCS or  DFS or whatever they call it in your neck of the woods, has custody of a child, the standard of care seems to be less than what is required of the parents? If a parent doesn't send a child to school here in beautiful Merlin, they can be arrested.  If a child reports that a parent has abused them, the mantra is "believe the child," but when a child reports abuse or neglect at the hands of a foster parent, the mantra appears to be "the child is a liar?" I am sick to death of that nonsense!  I get that older kids who don't like their placements will sometimes stretch the truth to get another one - or think that if they do, they will go home.  But more frequently, if anything, kids will recant their allegations of abuse when they are taken out of the home because they want to take back the upheaval that has occurred.  That doesn't mean the abuse didn't happen. Most kids are afraid to tell you when they've been abused in a foster home.  They've already experienced what happens when they tell and they have decided never to tell again, poor darlings.  Plus, they are afraid of what the foster parent will do if no one believes them.
The law basically says that foster care should never be worse than what a child has at home - otherwise, what's the point?  It's about the best interests of the CHILD, not the best interests of their social worker, the system, the attorneys, the foster parents, etc.!
The really strange thing is, I get this reaction from some of the better social workers in our local department.  I get that they have seen a lot of stuff.  Hell, so have I.  I get that this means more work for them -work for which they are overworked and underpaid to do.  They definitely have a fan in me. Truly, they do. I see what the courts do to them.  A social worker can spend months working day and night on a case, not only making sure my clients receive the services to meet their needs, but they also have to work with the parents, braving bad neighborhoods and hostility to effect change.  They have to make "reasonable efforts" to assure reunification.  Theirs is often a thankless task.  Let them make one mistake and these professionals are often blasted and treated like dirt in the courtroom.  And that is wrong.
On the other hand, it is so frustrating when you are dealing with kids whose needs are very real and the "system" has no common sense in dealing with them.
Just saying. 
Well with any luck, I'll be on the road tomorrow visiting clients and getting more earfuls:)
God be with you 'til we meet again!
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Comments

Unknown said…
this may be TMI--
i ached when i read your post.

close to 60, and my childhood is still an open sore.

My mother (the abuser) is dead--but my father (who always took my mothers side) want a closer relationship now that my mother is dead.

i am stand offish--(and feel guilty and conflicted)

--i feel for social workers.. and all involved. I got help (i credit the courts with my life--with out the court ordered care i got, i wouldn't have made it.
(i was suicidial as teen)

-till the day she died my mother thought the money spent on my care was a waste of money. (my father told me that to help 'explain/justify" her position)

I love my father--but i am still afraid to open up to him, to let him be an important part of my life.
He never was there for me.
I know he is old and lonely now.. but i am reluctant to be there for him.
it's taken me so much to be learn to be a good mother, to not repeat my parents mistakes.. but i don't know it i have it in me to be a good daughter. (what ever that is)

there is nothing you or any one can really do to "FIX" a broken home--you can save children--i was saved, and i mostly have a happy life.

but i am, in some ways, broken.. and i remain broken with childhood long behind me.

but I AM alive because others cared--and i have children, and grandchildren.. and it is because of efforts like yours. YOU DO make a difference. I aged out of care before i was healed.. but I WAS HEALED-because of social service.
Susan said…
I don't know how you do your job!
I would become so emotionally involved I would get burned out in a day. It takes a special person to work in your field. Bless you.
Helen, I have thought about your post a long time and did not have a real opportunity to respond. I am so glad that you were able to be safe. Abuse can kill in so many ways and I'm glad that you received the services and the assistance that you needed - look at the life you were able to give others! What a gift!
I would never presume to offer any advice on this situation - it's so hard and anyone would feel conflicted! Whatever you feel, you have every right to feel it. But I will express my opinion on one thing: your mother was a moron. I cannot imagine missing out on the joy that one's children can bring, can you? You have kids. In a million years could you imagine treating them as you were treated? Of course not. I'm not saying that I assume you were a perfect mom. What I am saying is that you did better for your kids than was done for you. For that you should be extremely proud! Thank God you got the help you needed.
Thank you for your message - it means more than you will ever know. When we are involved with kids, after their cases close, we usually never hear from them again. I've had a few keep in touch and when they are having a good life it does my heart good. So many social workers today are so young. Sometimes I wonder if we attorneys are always doing the right thing by our clients. The problems seem overwhelming sometimes. But they are oh so worth it - as I'm sure you were and are!
Thanks again for your post!

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